La Serpiente Sólida Loca!
by SamandMax
Summary: Snake shows an episode from his 1982 Spanish Soap Opera. Yes, that's what it's really about.


La Serpiente Sólida Loca!  
  
  
Hello there. I'm Sir Solid Snake, recently knighted by a Queen lookalike. Way back in 1982, my name was Hernando Riveria, and I was one of the greatest stars on Spanish TV. I didn't know how to speak Spanish, but the hobo they hired to dub over my voice did a good job. Since I'm such a superstar, I thought all my fans would want to see an episode of the show, which was called The Crazy Adventures of Solid Snake, even though my name was Hernando at the time. The episode I'm about to show you is called "Crazy Banana Man," which won eight spannie awards, the Spanish equivalent of a Cable Ace award. So, without further ado, here is the episode...Oh, and since the episode had to be redubbed into english, it probaly won't make much sense, but who cares, I'm getting eight thousand dollars just for showing it!  
  
  
  
SCENE 1  
  
Snake enters a bedroom wearing a gigantic cowboy hat and a fake goatee.  
  
Snake: Hello. I am Crazy Banana Man.   
  
A woman with a snake around her neck enters behind him.  
  
Woman: Banana Man, I thought you were in Jamaica?   
  
Snake: That is what I wanted you to think. I was really in your basement, watching you!  
  
Dramatic music begins to play.  
  
Woman: But...this is madness. I will not stand for this madness, you are all mad, all of you are mad! MADNESS!  
  
Snake: Are you trying to say this is madness?  
  
Woman: MADNESS!  
  
Snake: Quiet. Banana Man thinks!  
  
Woman: MADNESS!  
  
The woman leaves the room, leaving Snake alone.  
  
Snake: I am going now. I must plot evil.  
  
  
SCENE 2  
  
Snake walks into his labratory.  
  
Snake: Mwahahah. I am evil banana man. All will bow down.  
  
Igor, Snake's slave walks in.  
  
Igor: Hello Banana Man. I am your slave.   
  
Snake: What?  
  
The woman from Scene 1 enters.  
  
Woman: MADNESS!  
  
Igor: What?  
  
Snake: Shut up, all of you!  
  
Igor: What?  
  
Woman: MADNESS!  
  
Snake: Shut up all of you!  
  
Snake pulls out a plastic gun and holds it up.  
  
Snake: Shut up, all of you, or Banana Man will shoot.  
  
Igor: It's time for this bird to fly.  
  
Igor pushes a button on his shoes and a jetpack appears on his back. He pushes a button on the jetpack and flies out the window.  
  
Snake: IGGGOOOORRR!  
  
Snake jumps out the window after him.  
  
Woman: BANANA MAN!  
  
The woman jumps out the window. She screams "madness" as she falls.  
  
  
SCENE 3  
  
Snake is floating in a blackness.  
  
Snake: Wow. It seems that window led into this time portal. Maybe if I go into the past, I can stop Dr. Hoogala from destroying all the bananas in the world.  
  
A giant talking clock floats up to Snake.  
  
Clock: Mwahahahah, it is me Banana Man, Dr. Hoogala! I am in my true form, a clock!  
  
Snake: NOOOOOOO!  
  
Clock: Yes.  
  
Snake: Oh, ok.  
  
  
  
SCENE 4  
  
Snake is flying through the sky on a flying carpet.  
  
Snake: I am Banana Man! Feel the happiness!  
  
The clock, sitting in a bathtub, floats up beside Snake.  
  
Clock: Mwahahaha.  
  
Snake: YOU FOUND ME! BANANA MAN SAD!  
  
  
  
SCENE 5  
  
Snake is on a spaceship floating in the middle of nowhere.  
  
Snake: I must save Planet Tyrone from the evil clock! But first, I dance.  
  
Snake begins to dance. A washing machine rolls into the room.  
  
Washing Machine: Buy Spanish Springs Detergent! It makes clothes cool-a-rific.  
  
Snake: Dance with me washing machine!  
  
Washing Machine: Let us boogie down.  
  
The washing machine begins spinning around in a circle. Right afterwards, in big bold letters, this appears: SHOW IS OVER. REMEMBER, A GOOD CITIZEN DOES NOT REVOLT AGAINST SPANISH GOVERNMENT. WE ARE WATCHING.  
  
  
  
  
Snake: Wow, that was good. I got so many awards for that episode, I had to buy a dump truck just so I could take them all home! But you know, Spanish Soap Opera's aren't always about screaming woman and dancing washing machines, they can also feature a singing walrus, and a skeleton that lives in a rocket ship. So remember, next time someone says Spanish Soap Operas suck, shout out "CRAZY BANANA MAN" and slap them across their face, because then they'll understand the true power of a singing washing machine. 


End file.
